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Today was a doozy!
WASHINGTON’S FIRST SEX SCANDAL!!!
Today in 1974 Representative Wilbur D. Mills, a Democrat from Arkansas, resigns from his post as chair of Congress’ Ways and Means Commitee after public outcry. Why were the public so mad? Those buttholes! They’re just a little ill-tempered because police caught ol’ Wilbur driving around drunk with local [...]
People have been asking me for years how I keep my personal style so current. Well, I’m fucking cavin in: SHEE STEES clothes, Copyright 2001. I mean 8. But actually we won’t get the fall line out until summer of 09, so look for my clothes to be at urban outfitters by January. Here’s my new [...]
Dreamworks picked up my scrip!!!! Indiana Jones and Trent Reznor and Mystery (the world’s greatest Pick-Up Artist) Go and Buy Shaved Ice by this Place Near Where My Mom Used to Work will begin production in a matter of seconds and will be released sometime in the summer or 2015. Of course, by 2015, climate change and Al Gore’s robotic warriors will [...]
So what else is new? Also, I’m staying up so late battle rapping with my roommates I can’t get any sleep-this is my face now:
Wow! I look so lifeless. Compare me with a few months ago when I was so full of fun and happiness:
What a difference a day makes. I need sleep. P.S. Here’s [...]
Just joshing. I just thought you might like to see my pretty face!
Oh yeah, I wear a mask to hide my disfigurement. Oh well. Yes, I’m still in a band:
Actually, two bands. You know how every band needs a drummer? Well, times two for a synth player (second from right)
And yes, I’m still cool. Hip. [...]
And I have the internet again! Celebrations are in order! Who brought the schnapps?
I thought since we’re all in such a great mood this sunny summer day, I would show off some photos of me in high school and of exes that have since gained weight.
Like Shannon! I hate you, you dumb bitch! Snap!
Alright that [...]
Somebody published my poems! This makes me feel pretty chipper!
Recent rehearsh for our new band, Ducky Wensislaus, that’s the new dude Tommy wildin’ out on the skins.
Here’s our new manager, Dread Sheckles, aka one Alan Smith, dudebro’in it up at my sister’s bris:
Cool dude.
ALBUM COVER(?)
I Stand Alone now knows my secret: that my dad was an astronaut working on a still-classified assignment for the European Union. What was the assignment? Experiementing with jumpsuits on the moon!
That’s my dad on the TV screen, he’s totally freaking out. He got his PHD in astrophysics at Loyola and then got another PHD [...]
